001 ✫ Video

[useofaswhat]

Afternoon, folks. – Evenin', now. [The man on screen clears his throat and nods in greeting, a little awkwardly. (And no, he's not actually wearing a floral bonnet. Today.)] This Admiral fella wanted a handful o' help and thought I was the man to give it so wǒ zài zhèlǐ. Name's Captain Reynolds, Mal if you ain't one to stand on ceremony. I'm sure it's fine to meet you all, and if it ain't, you go ahead an' let me know. [There's a smile purely for the sake of decorum, which drops off his face almost immediately as his eyes rake over something off-screen, as if reading.]

Let's see what we got here, then... Prison ship, eight levels and two additional restricted areas, complete with library, common rooms, medbay, an' my personal favorite, fully stocked kitchen. Probably serves better'n protein too. Laundry services, showers, art therapy facilities, and gardens included. Now that don't sound like any prison I ever been to. Hell, y'all even got a bar? Got quite a slick operation here, real nice 'n cozy.

But it still ain't as good as my boat.

Comments

[Video]

[useofaswhat]

You're from over five hundred years ago, you're old. Don't matter how young an' peppy you are, you're an old lady.

Thank kinda place, huh? [That's something of a change of pace, considering his ranch-boy background. But he's seen plenty of communities that hold off on butchering animals – though that usually just means they pay someone else to do it for them.] What do y'all do all day?

[Video]

[slayage]

Say, remember how I said there were no violent feelings yet? [Smirk and significant look.]

Warden-y things. Inmate-y things.

I'm in the gym a lot.

Then there's the usual deaths and/or chaos. Sometimes we turn into entirely different people. It's never exactly boring.

Voice

[breakingmyheart]

No, not at all, most people do.

It seems like you're already well-acquainted with the ship's layout.

[Video]

[useofaswhat]

Yeah, I do tend to bring those out in womenfolk. [Have a winning, cocky smile back.]

Whoa, back up there. Not to th'deaths and chaos part, what d'you mean turning into different people?

Voice

[useofaswhat]

Heard about it, haven't gotten to walkin' it myself yet.

[truth_is_cold]

I believe that's been the sentiment of every person with a ship that's ever been aboard.

[yeahscience]

Well, maintenance is a bunch of dumbasses with wrenches, so probably. [And he says that as one of the dumbasses, sometimes.] But no, they're like... sci-fi floods. Everything gets all changed around. Like we were all just teenagers? At a magic school? But not Hogwarts? It's messed up, yo.

[Warden Filter]

[scentbombed]

A planet called the Disc. It's okay, no one here knows it. [SIIIIGH.] We don't have spaceships or anything. A bit rustic by your standards, I think.

[Video]

[slayage]

[Smile... Then Buffy goes about explaining complex things simply and terrible things with way too much casualness. Like it's normal. Cause it kinda is to her.]

We have these things called floods, or breaches. Basically, the Admiral's either the worst driver ever and hits stuff accidently a lot, or he does it on purpose and he's just a jerk. We run into energies from different realities or dimensions and uh-

Sometimes we act differently, or.. become people who aren't us with different memories. Basically any crazy thing you can think of can and will happen here. Happens at least every other week.

[useofaswhat]

An' in my case, it's right.

[truth_is_cold]

It's right in every case. This ship is terrible. [Someone was an inmate before a warden and still harbors a cynical grudge.] Regardless, I miss mine considerably.

[Warden Filter]

[useofaswhat]

Never heard o' it. Is it really a disc? Like, board-flat?

Hey, every planet's different. Plenty in my 'verse don't have an abundance of tech an' they get along all right.

[Warden Filter]

[scentbombed]

Yes, exactly. A big flat disc on the back of four elephants, on the back of a world turtle.

Really? Do they have electricity?

[useofaswhat]

Big an' cold, ain't it? Kind of lackin' in personality. [But it's got to be hard to hate a ship with a full kitchen and a pub.] What do you fly?

[truth_is_cold]

I used to be the Commander of a warship, the Andromeda Ascendant, under Captain Dylan Hunt. I've since moved on to the private sector. [If leaving means "broke civilization", and private sector means "trying to fix all that breaking".] But she was a good ship, and highly capable.

[persuadeyou]

I'll pretend that wasn't rude if you tell me where you come from.

[Video]

[useofaswhat]

[Hello hard pill, you're difficult to swallow.] You really ain't kiddin', are you? What kinda crazy happens here that I oughtta know about?

[inhistorybooks]

Have you heard of Starfleet?

[useofaswhat]

You flew a warship? [Now that's got his attention, and not necessarily in the good way.] Fightin' against what? You ever see action?

[useofaswhat]

Looks like I'm rude.

[persuadeyou]

Cute.

Nicole Reese.

[Warden Filter]

[useofaswhat]

Really? You sure about that? That don't sound like any kind of planet I've ever seen. How does the turtle breathe?

Depends where you go. Some o' the border worlds only got it for the rich folk, mayors an' lawmen an' such, while everyone else makes do with candles. You go to the Core an' everything runs on it, there's no gettin' away.

[useofaswhat]

That so? How do we keep from goin' down without a decent mechanic among 'em? [Mal looks around at the ship skeptically, trying to think of places he's been that seemed less school-like.] Uh-huh. Admiral's got a sense o' humor, huh?

What's Hogwarts, some kind o' pig malady?

[useofaswhat]

It don't ring a bell.

[inhistorybooks]

Probably different universes then. What's the Alliance like?