useofaswhat | 001 ✫ Video

Afternoon, folks. – Evenin', now. [The man on screen clears his throat and nods in greeting, a little awkwardly. (And no, he's not actually wearing a floral bonnet. ~~Today.~~)] This Admiral fella wanted a handful o' help and thought I was the man to give it so wǒ zài zhèlǐ. Name's Captain Reynolds, Mal if you ain't one to stand on ceremony. I'm sure it's fine to meet you all, and if it ain't, you go ahead an' let me know. [There's a smile purely for the sake of decorum, which drops off his face almost immediately as his eyes rake over something off-screen, as if reading.]

Let's see what we got here, then... Prison ship, eight levels and two additional restricted areas, complete with library, common rooms, medbay, an' my personal favorite, fully stocked kitchen. Probably serves better'n protein too. Laundry services, showers, art therapy facilities, and gardens included. Now that don't sound like any prison I ever been to. Hell, y'all even got a bar? Got quite a slick operation here, real nice 'n cozy.

But it still ain't as good as my boat.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

From:

scentbombed

['Smugglers,' she translates this automatically in her head. But smugglers aren't so bad, really. They tend to be polite to her and they pay their fines when she inevitably sniffs out their cargo.] Police, actually. [But she tries to convey that she's one of the nicer ones, maybe, even though she's really not.]

From:

useofaswhat

...Ah. [Great. Brilliant, Mal.

Still, he plays it cool, managing a small but friendly smile.] What force you with, then? I'm gonna assume you're not a fed.

From:

scentbombed

Ankh-Morpork City Watch, as meaningless as that will be to you. [And she's wondering why he speaks like he's from the Counterweight Continent... although in return, he may be wondering why she sounds vaguely like a more upscale Badger.]

From:

useofaswhat

[Policewoman with an odd accent aside, she has one thing going for her: she's not Alliance. He just hopes the fact that they're both wardens is enough to keep her from sniffing too closely around him, no pun intended.] Uh, yeah, got no proper idea what that means. Where's Ankh-Morpork?

From:

scentbombed

A planet called the Disc. It's okay, no one here knows it. [SIIIIGH.] We don't have spaceships or anything. A bit rustic by your standards, I think.

From:

useofaswhat

Never heard o' it. Is it really a disc? Like, board-flat?

Hey, every planet's different. Plenty in my 'verse don't have an abundance of tech an' they get along all right.

From:

scentbombed

Yes, exactly. A big flat disc on the back of four elephants, on the back of a world turtle.

Really? Do they have electricity?

From:

useofaswhat

Really? You sure about that? That don't sound like any kind of planet I've ever seen. How does the turtle breathe?

Depends where you go. Some o' the border worlds only got it for the rich folk, mayors an' lawmen an' such, while everyone else makes do with candles. You go to the Core an' everything runs on it, there's no gettin' away.

From:

scentbombed

I don't know, Captain -- it's a world turtle.

Really? Sounds like I'd be right at home in one of your... border worlds, then. We don't have it at all. That part of coming here was a very nice change indeed.

From:

useofaswhat

Exactly! How many o' those are there? You'd think someone'd be checking up on it.

That's the advantage to livin' on a ship. Got everything you need, no matter where you go.

From:

scentbombed

I suppose the wizards must check in every once in a while. I admit to not pondering the greater, er, scientific implications all that much.

I rather think that depends on what kind of ship you mean, but I take your general point.

[And now she hesitates.] I... saw that you had a chat with Buffy Summers. You seem to be taking that end of it pretty well in stride. The supernatural bit, I mean.

From:

useofaswhat

Was talkin' about my girl. This [gestures to the Barge around him] kinda ship.

Yeah, well... [It seems fairly impossible, but she clearly wasn't kidding, and he'd already accepted a lot. Probably too much for one day, really.] I ain't sayin' I believe it, an' I ain't sayin' it isn't true. Just startin' to think what I believe might not make an ounce o' difference.

From:

scentbombed

Well, yes, that happens to be true. There are two vampires, two zombies, one werewolf, and one dog hybrid on the Barge at the present... along with a handful of aliens and other things. [She cares much less about those.] Mr. Dracula's in charge of Vampire Issues; if you have any problems with the other undead... or any of the wolves on board, I suppose... you can take it up with me.

Regardless of what you believe, I'm afraid.

From:

useofaswhat

Ah... [Mal scratches his head. That's a lot of weird information to take in at one time.] ...Right. Well, I ain't got any bad blood toward 'em if they ain't got any toward me, but. Good to know?

From:

scentbombed

I'm glad to hear it, Captain. I don't have any bad blood toward you, either.

From:

useofaswhat

So that'd make you... wolf-woman, huh?

From:

scentbombed

"Werewolf" will do just fine.

From:

useofaswhat

If you don't mind my askin', how's that work out if we land on a moon?

From:

scentbombed

[She opens her mouth... and closes it again, blinking.]

...I can't say I'd ever thought of that before.

From:

useofaswhat

Captain, d'you mind if I ask kinda an indelicate question? One you don't gotta hear if you don't want.

From:

scentbombed

Well, I'd say you probably can't surprise me, but apparently you can... Which is pretty impressive, just so you know.

Still, all right. I'd rather talk about it with you than have you get your answers, um, elsewhere. [Like from a slayer. :|]

From:

useofaswhat

Keeping in mind I never met a werewolf before, uh, an' didn't think your folk were, strictly speakin', technically, real... When you're turnin' fuzzy, you don't go all wild, do you? Seein' as you're a warden you probably got some handle on it, but... [But they'd have to look out for wolves and coyotes back on his mama's ranch on Shadow and he's seen the ranch-hands take some damage from them. Can't be too careful.]

From:

scentbombed

[It's... frustrating. It's always frustrating, all these years of being a model citizen and still having to field the "wild animal" thing. But for gods' sake, she tells herself, at least he's asking, and presses her lips together in a tight little smile.]

No. It doesn't work that way, Captain. I'm just me. I'm always me. The worst thing I do is stop being a vegetarian every once in a while, and I always try to make up for the chickens. Your shins are safe. [Or jugulars, really, but she feels it pays to downplay things like that.]

From:

useofaswhat

[Asking is actually on the "extremely polite" side for him. He even prefaced the question with a warning! This is Mal at his classiest, for what little that's worth.] Gotta thank you for that, ma'am. They're very nice shins.

Bet you get that round the clock, huh?

From:

scentbombed

It comes up on occasion. [Dry as a bone.]

But better asked and answered, isn't it? It's all right. I've been told bites are a worry, too, so I may as well tell you: I don't, and if I did, it wouldn't do anything to you except make you go "Ow."